terriblymisguided | (no subject)

There's a change in the sensations of the Force when Klaus arrives. Obi-Wan doesn't hear him knock, too deep within his meditative state, but he still knows Klaus is there, feels his arrival and the way everything in the Force just seems to shift to welcome him in. This space is Klaus's as much as it is Obi-Wan's and he smiles faintly in his state, then begins to gently bring himself out of it.

His breathing speeds up a little and his shoulders roll before he blinks his eyes open slowly.

"Hello there," he calls out as he stretches his arms overhead and then rises to his feet. Dressed in a pair of soft, comfortable sweatpants and a t-shirt, Obi-Wan hadn't been expecting Klaus, but it's always a pleasure when he shows up. It spreads warmth not only through him, but through the apartment, the entire Force. Walking barefoot into the kitchen, he leans against the doorframe and smiles.

He has to heat up water anyway, so Klaus takes down another mug and drops in one of Obi-Wan's preferred tea bags, and then stands there staring blankly as he waits for the kettle to whistle. It isn't until Obi-Wan speaks behind him that Klaus blinks and turns around, slumping back against the counter as he gives Obi-Wan a tired smile.

Klaus knows that he looks awful, with pale skin and dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. He just feels so exhausted, a tiredness that goes beyond yawning, and he looks at Obi-Wan for a long moment, unable to keep from comparing their appearances. Obi-Wan looks rested, warm and practically glowing. He looks like he's at peace, and Klaus wants to know what that feels like. He wants so badly to know what that feels like.

He isn't jealous of Obi-Wan, because of course he does not begrudge the man he loves doing well. He's glad that Obi-Wan has these skills to cope, and he hopes that Klaus might be able to learn them for himself, at least on some level.

"Hi," he breathes out eventually, startling a bit as the kettle whistles behind him. He turns to turn off the stove and pick it up, pouring some water into the French press, and then the rest of it into Obi-Wan's mug. "I made you some tea."

Klaus looks tired, but more than that, his presence in the Force feels tired and as Obi-Wan crosses over to stand by him near the counter, he presses his palm into the small of Klaus's back.

"Thank you," he says as he leans over and presses his lips to Klaus's cheek. "That was very thoughtful of you."

He's not here because he wanted to make tea for Obi-Wan. There is something else on his mind, something he wants to discuss, but Klaus is a man who comes to things in his own time and Obi-Wan respects that about him. When he's ready to bring it up, he will, and for now they can have tea and coffee together.

Just being here in Obi-Wan's presence makes Klaus feel better, and he can't help but to smile at the soft kiss to his cheek. He was such a fool to think he did not want this sort of security, but the more that time goes by and the more he reflects on his life, he isn't so sure that was the case anymore. Maybe he was just afraid, or he thought he didn't deserve it.

Something to meditate on, maybe.

Klaus reaches up to cup Obi-Wan's cheek, thumbing at his beard before leaning in for a soft kiss. He rests his forehead against Obi-Wan's for a long moment while their drinks steep, and then turns to pour himself a cup of coffee. He blows gently at the surface as he walks over to the sofa, kicking off his shoes on the way so he can climb up onto it and sit cross-legged on one side of it. He takes a careful sip and then looks up at Obi-Wan again, wondering how to even start this conversation.

"My nightmares are getting worse," he says after a long moment, and he assumes Obi-Wan will understand that when he says nightmares, he doesn't just mean dreams. He means all of it, the spirits and the visions coming for him. He thinks maybe it's because he's using less. Still drinking most days, but not nearly as much as he used to. He's getting sharper, is the thing. It's what he needs to do, what he should do, but the downsides are so severe. "I woke up with hands around my neck this morning."

When the tea is ready, Obi-Wan uses a spoon to fish out the bag and sets it aside to cool in the little dish beside his sink for this very purpose. Then he picks up his mug and goes with Klaus into the living room, settling in beside him. He turns his body so he's facing Klaus, his mug of tea held cupped in one hand as he waits for him to speak.

Something is on his mind and Obi-Wan allows him the time he needs to decide what he wants to say. He sips his tea, then listens, nodding slightly when Klaus says his nightmares are getting worse. The news isn't surprising really, he's been present when Klaus has had nightmares before, he's seen just how difficult they are, the toll they take on Klaus. That first night, he'd reached for his lightsaber without thought, worried someone had been hurting Klaus, someone in the room with them.

He's learned since then, but that doesn't meant he doesn't wish to help stop them any less.

"That sounds frightening," he says. "Even if it's something you've experienced before. You're not getting much sleep, are you?"

No one has ever really listened to Klaus like Obi-Wan does. He really listens, as if everything Klaus has to say is important, and sometimes he doesn't know what to do with that quiet, focused attention. He is so used to being brushed aside or talked over, never taken seriously, but Obi-Wan has never once treated him like that. Even when Klaus is rambling about nonsense, which he is prone to do, Obi-Wan listens.

"I'm not," Klaus confirms. He sleeps better here at Obi-Wan's, but there are nights when he can almost tell how bad it's going to be, so he decides to stay at home instead. He doesn't want to bother Obi-Wan night after night, even if he knows Obi-Wan would never see it that way.

"It's just so frustrating," he says after a long moment, brow furrowed as he looks down into his coffee cup. "I haven't been using very much, and that should be a good thing, right? My drug use was because of this, it's how it started. People have looked down on me for it for most of my life because of it, but it was always to try and stop this."

After taking another sip of his coffee, he sets the cup down on the table and then buries his face in his hands for a long moment, scrubbing them over his face before pulling them away and blowing out a breath. "But if I'm not doing drugs, I have to deal with this. And I'm just-- I'm so tired, Obi."

Obi-Wan is still of the mind that meditation will be able to help Klaus with all this, but it's something he needs to come to on his own. Pushing it upon him will only result in Klaus shying away further, which will make the entire process take longer still, and Obi-Wan doesn't want that. He doesn't want Klaus to feel obligated to try something just because Obi-Wan has suggested it and he doesn't want Klaus to resent the process because he feels like it's something he has to do.

"It is a good thing," Obi-Wan answers. "Your siblings are proud of you, as am I, but what matters most is how you're feeling about it."

Klaus is proud of himself, too, Obi-Wan can sense it. There are difficulties associated with using drugs less often, that much is clear, but rather than going and finding something to help the nightmares, he's here instead. He's talking about it, no matter how difficult it may be, and Obi-Wan smiles gently and touches his hand to Klaus's wrist, rubbing his thumb gently against his skin.

"I'm feeling tired," Klaus admits, smiling a bit ruefully as he looks down at Obi-Wan's hand on his skin. "But-- glad, too. That you're all proud of me. I'm proud of myself for not swallowing a handful of pills as soon as I woke up, but it's so hard, and I can't-- I can't go on like this."

He takes a deep breath and lets it out shakily, twisting a bit on the sofa so he can look at Obi-Wan's face. Obi's hand is still on his wrist, and Klaus turns his hand over so he can take Obi's hand in his own. His mouth opens and then closes again, and he bites his lip as he considers what to say. He should just be honest. Totally honest. That sort of sincerity is always hard for him, but Obi-Wan will listen to him. He'll understand.

"So, I think it's time that I try meditation," he finally says, tucking his hair behind one ear with his free hand as he forces himself to keep his chin up and hold Obi-Wan's gaze. "But I'm-- I'm afraid. I'm afraid it'll be like being trapped in that mausoleum again. Afraid that I'll fail and disappoint you."

Here is where Obi-Wan suspects all the Hargreeves siblings are very similar, fearing the rejection and constant disappointment they received from their sorry excuse for a father. While Obi-Wan has come to accept the Jedi Order had its own issues and that there are many ways in which they failed their students, at least as younglings and Padawans, they were cared for and loved. No one was ever punished for having difficulty with meditation, no one was locked away to try and force them to overcome their fears, and Obi-Wan shakes his head as he sets his tea down on the table.

"I understand," he says. "But I can assure you, there is nothing you can do that will disappoint me. Meditation isn't something you succeed or fail at, it's a practice, something you incorporate into your life, your routine. There are days when it will be difficult, no matter how long you've been doing it."

He smiles a little and lifts his free hand to Klaus's face, cupping his jaw. "There are days when it's difficult for me, even after having practiced my entire life. And I can promise you, you'll never be locked anywhere. You'll never be trapped. It isn't something to force and if it's difficult or it's too much, we pull back. Centre ourselves. Try again. I will never force you into anything that makes you feel trapped, Klaus."

It is a stark difference from his childhood, and the cruelty he faced at the hand of the one person who was supposed to care about him time and time again. It damaged him, and for a long time he felt like he was beyond repair, but that's changing now. Between Obi-Wan and his siblings, and his own desire to be better, he is changing.

"No, no, I know you wouldn't," Klaus gets out, feeling his eyes burn as Obi-Wan cups his cheek so tenderly. Sometimes he doesn't know what to do with all of this compassion, because it's something so new to him. It's something he so desperately needed as a child, but never received. But he has it now. "It's my own head that I'm afraid of, but I want to try."

He lifts his hand to rest it over Obi-Wan's on his cheek, feeling such gratitude for this man that for a moment all he can do is let out a shuddering breath. "I know that I can trust you. There is no one else that I would trust with this, Obi. Just you."

That trust is a great gift, one he means to never take for granted, and Obi-Wan nods with a deep sincerity. It means a lot to him, both that Klaus is willing to try and that Obi-Wan is the one he's going to trust with this task.

"I want you to understand that there will be times when you struggle," he says. "Especially as we begin. But there's nothing to be ashamed of in that. Like anything, it takes practice, and it will get easier with time. If you're willing to keep trying, I'm willing to keep trying with you, and I will never be disappointed or frustrated."

Obi-Wan had taught Anakin to meditate, after all. He thinks if he can maintain his composure during that, there are few other people he's capable of teaching given the right amount of time and the space in which to do so.

"I can handle struggle," Klaus assures him, nodding a bit as he looks at Obi-Wan with big, wet eyes. Obi-Wan is exactly the kind of teacher Klaus knows, because Obi-Wan will be patient and kind with him. He'll be the exact opposite of his father, who never understood Klaus. He never wanted to understand Klaus, had no interest in who he was as a person, and just wanted to mold him into an obedient little soldier.

Obi-Wan knows him better than anyone else ever had. He won't be unkind to Klaus, and most importantly, he'll never give up on him. He'll never see Klaus as a lost cause. That alone gives Klaus the confidence to try.

Klaus doesn't know how this will go, if he'll be able to get the hang of it or if it'll just be torture, but he has hope. That's what Obi-Wan can give him, on top of everything else. His eyes fill with tears and he leans forward to wrap his arms around Obi-Wan's neck, holding onto him tightly as he all but collapses into Obi-Wan's lap.

"Thank you," he breathes out, turning his head to bury his face in the curve of Obi-Wan's neck. "I'll do my best. I promise."

"All you have to do is try," Obi-Wan promises as he wraps his arms around Klaus in return. He can feel the tension in Klaus's body, the way his muscles tremble with exhaustion, and he's content to sit here just like this, to give Klaus space to relax if he can and even get some rest, despite the fact that he's only just had come coffee. When one is tired enough, he knows, the caffeine will make little difference.

"Is this something you're wanting to begin right away?" he asks after a few moments of quiet. "Or do you want to simply rest right now and we can talk about it a bit more, about how we'll begin?"

Obi-Wan is happy to tailor this to whatever Klaus wants. This experience will be his alone and it's important they do this in a way that's both sustainable and not terribly overwhelming or daunting.

"Very soon, but not right now," Klaus says after a moment of thought, pulling back to look at Obi-Wan. "I want to start when I'm in a better headspace. After some rest."

He bites his lip and fidgets a bit before reaching out to put his hand over Obi-Wan's, biting his lip before looking up to meet Obi's gaze. "Do you think that you could do your thing? It helps me sleep."

Klaus doesn't often ask Obi-Wan to use the Force to help calm him, because it isn't something that he ever wants to take advantage of. He doesn't want it to become something that he's dependent on, so he reserves it for special cases, like when he's panicking and can't seem to snap out of it. Or now, when he's so tired that he feels sick and his head is pounding.

"I just want to get some sleep," he gets out, breath hitching slightly. "And we can talk about it later this afternoon?"

Obi-Wan nods and leans in to press a kiss to Klaus's forehead. It's a brief touch, simple and sweet, and then he pulls back and gestures for Klaus to stretch out on the sofa. He could take him to bed, he knows, but he has a feeling Klaus is going to want to be where Obi-Wan is and Obi-Wan knows he won't be able to sleep, not now. With Klaus on the sofa, he can busy himself with other things in the apartment, with reading, perhaps with ordering some of his groceries online, as he's come to enjoy doing. Simply being in the same space will likely be enough of a comfort, too.

"Lie back," he says as he stands. "I'll be right back."

He does partway down the hall to the linen closet and retrieves a spare pillow, as well as a blanket. Then he returns to the sofa and plumps the pillow nicely, settling it under Klaus's head. The blanket he spreads over Klaus's body before he perches on the edge, sitting by Klaus's hip.

"Close your eyes," he murmurs, placing his palm to the centre of Klaus's chest. "Close your eyes and just breathe." Then he does the same, closing his eyes and letting his calm reach out into the Force, extending toward Klaus, focusing on surrounding him with warm, comforting light.

When Klaus spots Obi-Wan coming down the hall with a pillow and blanket, his heart feels like it's swelled so much that it threatens to crack. Obi-Wan is so good to him, so endlessly thoughtful, and Klaus feels so grateful just to be in his life, let alone to be loved by him.

It's a spectacular thing, being loved by Obi-Wan Kenobi. Klaus cherishes it every single day.

He smiles softly as Obi-Wan all but tucks him in, feeling warm and cared for and more relaxed by the moment. Then Obi-Wan puts his hand on Klaus's chest and he does as he's told, closing his eyes and breathing in deeply. The first few times Obi-Wan did this, Klaus felt a flicker of nerves just at how vulnerable he felt, but that's gone now. He's never felt more safe in his life.

That feeling of safety only grows as calm, secure warmth floods through him, feeling like it's lighting up all the dark, shadowy parts within him and chasing away whatever may linger there. It's a beautiful feeling, and Klaus lets out a soft, grateful sound as he settles more deeply into the sofa.

"Thank you," he breathes out, opening his eyes only long enough to catch a glimpse of Obi-Wan's face before they fall shut again, and he finally drifts off into a deep, restful sleep.

When Klaus settles, Obi-Wan can feel it, the shift in his energy, and he ducks his head to press a kiss to his temple as he falls asleep. He stays there for a few moments longer, waiting until Klaus's breathing evens out, slow and steady, and only then does he rise and take both their mugs into the kitchen. When Klaus wakes, he'll make him a fresh cup of coffee, but for now he finishes his own tea, dumps Klaus's coffee into the sink before he washes them both.

Once he's finished in the kitchen, Obi-Wan goes down the hall and retrieves his current book from the bedroom before he returns to the living room. There's a chair next to the sofa, where he settles, and opens his book to his marked place.

Currently he's reading A Room of One's Own, recommended to him by the previously pink-haired young woman who works in the book shop he quite likes to frequent. He knows she thinks he's an odd one, having caught him speaking to Black Philip once, but she had also been more than happy to recommend a stack of books to him when he had asked for items that were culturally important to Earth's history.

He settles in to read, quietly turning pages, as peaceful as he'd felt earlier during meditation, with Klaus's quiet, even breathing as steadying as anything.

When Klaus wakes up a few hours later, he feels far more rested than he had that morning. His sleep was deep and peaceful, most likely thanks in part to what Obi-Wan had done for him. Or perhaps simply due to his presence alone.

Klaus's eyes flutter open and he turns to see Obi-Wan sitting in the chair next to the sofa, curled up with a book. It's such a comforting sight, one that makes something warm curl up and settle happily in Klaus's chest. He has never known such safety.

"How long was I out?" Klaus asks, rubbing his eyes as he pulls himself into a sitting position. The sun spilling in through the windows is bright and and high, so it can't be too late in the day. "I feel a lot better."

"A few hours," Obi-Wan answers as he marks his place in his book and sets it aside, studying Klaus. He looks better, the dark circles under his eyes faded, his skin brighter. "Do you want another cup of coffee? I can make one for you now that you're properly awake."

He would have woken Klaus in another hour or so if he hadn't woken on his own, not wanting him to sleep all day and completely change his sleep schedule by accident. But Klaus is awake now.

That Klaus had come here to sleep doesn't surprise Obi-Wan. They've been together long enough that he thinks they both have a relatively good idea of what they mean to one another, but it will never stop pleasing him that Klaus feels that kind of trust for him.

"Oh, wow." Klaus chuckles a little as he rubs at his eyes, surprised that he slept so soundly for so long again. Then again, he probably shouldn't be. He always sleeps better with Obi-Wan around, even without Obi-Wan calming him down like he did.

He hopes that Obi-Wan didn't just sit here and keep watch over him, but he'd be lying if he said he wouldn't be very touched if that were the case.

"Yeah, that'd be great, thanks." He watches Obi-Wan walk into the kitchen and then smiles to himself, feeling so cared for. Never in his life has he felt so secure.

"And then we can talk about how to get started," Klaus calls out, because he doesn't want to give himself a chance to back out now that he's feeling better in this moment. It's still something that he needs to do. He wants to put in the work, even if it's hard.

"Well, of course," Obi-Wan calls back, a smile in his voice as he measures and grinds the coffee beans, then begins to boil the water for a proper pour over. He may not drink coffee as often as most, but he had taken the time to learn how to make a proper cup, mostly for Klaus's sake.

"Now that you've said you're interested, I'm hardly going to let it go again," he says as he comes to the kitchen door while the kettle boils, leaning against the doorframe and smiling at Klaus. "You know how persistent I can be."

And of course he's teasing to an extent. He would never pressure Klaus, he would never tell him he had to do something, but now that he's expressed this interest, Obi-Wan knows he may need a bit of a nudge in order to move forward with it. And he'll be happy to provide not only guidance, but that possibly needed nudge, too.

The comment makes Klaus laugh, shaking his head with fond amusement as he stares over at Obi-Wan. He knows that Obi would never force him, but there is a difference between that and needed encouragement. He knows that he can trust Obi-Wan never to cross that line.

"Like a dog with a bone," he volleys back, stretching his arms up over his head before getting up to go relieve himself. As he's washing his hands, he realizes only now how awful he'd looked, how worn down and hollow. He knows that it isn't just the few hours sleep that helped him, but finally making the decision to do something necessary. Maybe he's a little proud of himself, even if he is scared.

As he returns to the living room, he pulls his hair back into a messy bun and finds Obi-Wan there to greet him with a rich cup of coffee. Klaus takes it with a grateful hum, leaning in to kiss Obi on the cheek before settling cross-legged onto the sofa once more.

"So, do I call you master for real now?" Klaus teases, wiggling his eyebrows playfully over the rim of his mug as he takes a careful sip.

"Please, no," Obi-Wan answers, laughing. "At least not in this context."

When he and Anakin had decided to do away with such titles, he had never imagined he would have to tell anyone else to refrain from using it as well, but he's since told Ben and now Klaus, too. While he suspects Klaus is mostly joking, he doesn't want to end up in that habit while meditating. Other places, however, he doesn't mind quite so much.

He sinks down beside Klaus and says, "I'll suggest you get yourself a notebook of some kind. A journal. The act of journaling is often meditative itself and I find many people like it better as a first step in order to ease themselves into the entire process. If you simply allow yourself to write, stream of consciousness style, it helps to centre your mind in the same way breathing and meditation can. Though that will be something you'll do on your own, not with me."

He smiles cheekily. "Think of it as homework."

"Ah, so professor then," Klaus replies with his own cheeky smile, before his expression settles into something a little more thoughtful. "That makes sense. I can do that. I used to scribble down my thoughts a lot when I was younger. A notebook will probably work a lot better than my bedroom walls."

He takes another sip of his coffee and bites his lip as he thinks, nodding a bit. Writing things down won't help the physical terror of the spirits coming for him, but he can write down how he feels after. It couldn't hurt.

"Maybe we can go get something to eat, and stop by the stationary store after," Klaus says hopefully, looking at Obi-Wan over the rim of his mug. "So, writing things down. What comes next?"

"Well, depending on whether or not you think you're ready, we could try a short session after we return," Obi-Wan suggests. "We can discuss mantras beforehand, as many people find them useful when it comes to bringing their minds to stillness, especially at first. It's not something you need to say aloud or even tell me what it is, just something calming that you can focus on."

He takes Klaus's free hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.

"And I'll talk you through it at first," he continues. "For as many sessions as you feel you need and if you would rather I be still, I can do that, too. I will be here for whatever questions you have even in the middle of it all. The best thing about meditation is that it can be a deeply personal experience and what works for one may not work for another. We'll find what works best for you and tailor the teaching to that."

As Obi-Wan speaks, Klaus hangs on his every word, feeling himself relax more and more as Obi-Wan reassures him so calmly. He cares so much for Klaus, and so sincerely wants to help him, and Klaus is so grateful to him. He is so in love, settled like he's never been before, and knowing Obi-Wan will be there every step of the way is why he knows that he can give this a try.

"You are just-- I can't believe you," Klaus says softly, shaking his head a little as he moves closer and reaches up to cup Obi-Wan's face in his hands, stroking his thumbs over Obi's cheekbones as he stares at his face with a helplessly fond expression. "I have never felt as safe as I do when I'm with you. And that's how I know that I can do this. Because I have you."

He leans in to press a kiss to Obi-Wan's mouth and then rests their foreheads together, breathing in deeply through his nose and nodding a little bit. "I want to do this. I want to get started right away."

While meditation has been a part of Obi-Wan's life for as long as he can remember, he knows this request means a lot for Klaus. He understands it's not always an easy thing for someone to approach, being still with themselves, trying to find that place where they can be at peace with their emotions and their state, and he also knows how much trust Klaus is extending to him in this.

He reaches up and curls his hands around Klaus's wrists, leaning in to meet the kiss with a smile.

"I know you can do it because you're much more capable than you seem to give yourself credit for," he answers, then presses a kiss to Klaus's nose. "Let's go then, shall we? We'll get you a few notebooks, one you can keep here, one at home. On the way, I can tell you the mantras in the Jedi texts if you'd like. You don't have to use any of them, but you may find something worthwhile."

When Obi-Wan kisses his nose, Klaus wrinkles it fondly and then nods as he pulls away, letting go of Obi-Wan to tuck a few loose curls behind his ears. Now that he's said it out loud and Obi-Wan has given him such reassurances, Klaus is almost eager to start.

"Yes, that sounds good." It doesn't even occur to Klaus to be nervous about leaving a notebook full of his most intimate thoughts and fears at Obi-Wan's place, because he knows that Obi-Wan would not violate his privacy by reading it. At the same time, Klaus isn't even so sure he would mind Obi-Wan seeing it, at this point. Obi-Wan already knows him more than anyone else ever has.

After pulling on his shoes, Klaus sits up and picks up his phone and wallet from the coffee table to tuck them into his jeans. "Do you know a place, or should I look one up?"

At times, Obi-Wan feels as if he knows every book shop in the city, and he smiles at Klaus and says, "I think I know a place."

Not all of the shops sell stationary, but the one he's thinking of, Graymark Books on Park Avenue, has all kinds of wonderful things. There's even a display case beneath the cash register that houses weapons of a fascinating and beautiful array. The store, of course, makes him think of Magnus with a brief pang of grief, as he had been the previous owner, but Obi-Wan understands his friend has gone onto whatever life requires of him next. He misses him, but he can also let him go.

"Magnus owned it," he tells Klaus as they head for the elevator. "He said it used to belong to another friend of his, a man named Luke, and he collected all kinds of things. Weapons, books, pens, notebooks, anything beautiful and often old. It's quite a lovely store and I do hope it passes into the hands of a new owner who appreciates it as much as Magnus and Luke both clearly did."

"Of course you do," Klaus says with a fond shake of his head, because Obi-Wan is such a bookworm. It's completely unsurprising that he knows exactly where to go. When Obi-Wan mentions Magnus, Klaus resists the urge to reach out and grab Obi-Wan. It's terrifying to know that anyone in this city could just disappear at any moment, but then again, that's life, isn't it? Caring about anyone comes with a certain level of risk. That's why Klaus tried so hard to avoid it for so long.

"I hope so, too," Klaus tells him, reaching out to put his hand on Obi-Wan's back. He had only met Magnus a few times, but he knows that Obi-Wan considered him a friend. "I'm definitely going to miss his parties."

Once they're outside, Klaus takes a deep breath of fresh air and slides his sunglasses onto his face before reaching down to take Obi-Wan's hand, because he still hasn't gotten over the novelty of walking down the street holding hands with someone that he cares about.

"Lead the way, nerd," he says, with love.

The walk is short, but lovely, especially as they can cut through the park, and Obi-Wan tells Klaus about the store as they go. He details the weapons in the cabinet below the register, the crossbow, which is old and looks as if it might break upon use, although Magnus had assured him that was not the case. And something called a kindjal, which Obi-Wan had never heard of before Magnus described it to him.

His friend had been quite adept with it, as it turns out, and Obi-Wan had listened, fascinated, to the weapon's history.

"Here we are," he says with a smile as they approach the shop. The front windows are large, letting in plenty of sunlight, and a bell tinkles cheerfully overhead when Obi-Wan pushes open the door.

As always, Klaus hangs on Obi-Wan's every word because he makes everything sound interesting, no matter the topic. They enter the bookshop and Klaus looks around, taking it all in. It certainly isn't a typical bookstore, and Klaus finds his interest piqued. Behind the counter is a very exhausted looking young man, cute in a twinky sort of way, but he looks almost gaunt as he straightens the curve of his spine, lifting a hand in greeting as Obi-Wan approaches.

"Obi-Wan, hey. It's been awhile," the kid says, and then gives Klaus a nod before leaning over to rest his elbows on the counter again, like he can barely keep himself up. Klaus wonders if maybe it's drugs, but he doesn't think so. Something else is weighing on him. "Did you need anything specific?"

"Empty notebooks," Klaus tells him, miming writing in the air. "For all my deepest, darkest thoughts."

"Hello, Elio," Obi-Wan answers, smiling at the young man gently. The sense of loss is heavy in Graymark Books and although Obi-Wan doesn't know whether Elio and Magnus knew one another, whether it's that loss or another, he can still tell the young man has lost someone rather recently. Perhaps the work is distracting to him and that's why he's here.

Obi-Wan nods at Klaus's words and tells Elio, "Klaus is about to embark on a journey toward learning how to meditate. In the past I've found that keeping a journal can sometimes help people when they're new to the practice. I know where they're kept, though, you needn't worry yourself."

At this point, Obi-Wan knows where most things are kept in most of the book shops he's visited. And something about the way Elio is holding himself means Obi-Wan doesn't want to trouble him terribly much if he can help it.

"Yeah, go for it," the kid says, and Klaus notices the way that his fingers go towards a ring on a chain around his neck. It looks like a wedding ring, and it makes Klaus think of the dog tags hanging from his own neck. Perhaps that explains his sunken cheeks and dull eyes. "I'm sure you heard about Magnus. The store was left to me, and I'm not going to change anything. Just so you know."

Klaus turns to find the display of notebooks, looking over the covers before selecting two black leather bound journals with dark pink gilded pages. They call to him specifically, and he turns them around to show them to Obi-Wan.

"These are the ones," he says with a resolute nod. "Now I just need fancy pens and I'm all set."

"It's been left in the best possible hands," Obi-Wan answers, reaching across the counter briefly so that he can squeeze Elio's forearm. He gives a gentle smile as well and although he wouldn't presume to try and influence Elio's mood at all, wouldn't do such a thing without permission, he still reaches out with the Force, finding Elio's presence, offering it the warmth and the calm he's carrying with him.

It won't change Elio's mood, but it should, if nothing else, remind him of the good in the world.

Then he follows Klaus toward the notebooks, smiling when he sees the ones Klaus selects. They seem like the right ones somehow, they feel like Klaus when Obi-Wan looks at them, and then he touches his arm and leads him down another aisle to where he knows there's a collection of pens. Simple ballpoints as well as some nicer pens, which he shows Klaus with a wave of his hand.

"Take your pick, darling," he teases with a smile.

Klaus looks over at Obi-Wan talking to the kid, and he can't help but to smile at the reassurance Obi-Wan offers. In the beginning, Klaus had been a little surprised by his constant kindness, but not anymore. Now it just makes him smile.

"Oh, thank you, darling," Klaus replies, laughing happily before wiggling his fingers over the display and choosing a few colors to suit his moods, and a nicer black ink pen for general use. He takes his choices up to the counter and slaps Obi's hand before he can even make a move towards his wallet. "I'm getting this. It's for me."

Yes, Obi-Wan is going to teach him about meditation, but Klaus wants to do as much of this as he can himself. After paying for the notebooks and pens, Klaus gratefully takes the paper bag and says goodbye to the kid before moving towards the door.

"Of course, how silly of me," Obi-Wan says, taking a large step back from the counter to allow Elio to ring through the purchases and Klaus to pay for the items. Once they're done, he follows Klaus to the door, pausing for a moment to say goodbye to Elio before they head back out into the sunny afternoon.

"Now," he says as they walk. "Would you like to go back to the apartment to start or would you prefer being out in the open? In nature, I mean, not necessarily the park. There's a place I like to go out in the woods where it's more private if you would prefer, but even in the park there are certainly places where we would be able to find some peace."

For Obi-Wan, the location no longer matters. He can find that meditative space no matter where he is, even standing in the middle of a bustling sidewalk, but it's different for beginners. He always wants to give people the best possible chance they can have at feeling comfortable and being able to settle.

The question makes Klaus go quiet as he ponders the options. His first instinct is to say the apartment, but he's so comfortable there. It's all so familiar, and he wonders if it might be better to go somewhere new to start with. Less of a chance of him getting frustrated and trying to distract Obi-Wan with sex.

Not no chance, of course, even if they're out in the woods. With Klaus, there's always a slight chance of him trying to instigate sex wherever they happen to find themselves.

"The woods," he says after a long moment's deliberation. "I don't want to be interrupted, and being outside might help." He reaches down to take Obi-Wan's hand and smiles softly. "Plus, I'd like to see the spot you run off to when you have to go commune with nature."

"Yes, I think you might be slightly less likely to try and get my trousers undone if we're out where people can see us," Obi-Wan answers with an entirely straight face as they walk. The only indication he's teasing is the flick of his eyes toward Klaus before he looks straight once again, leading him toward road as he books a car on the app on his phone. They could walk, it isn't terribly far, but he would like to get started sooner rather than later.

Luckily, there is a car nearby and Obi-Wan points it out after his phone indicates where they need to go, then opens the door so Klaus can slide in. The driver looks at the location given, then in the rearview mirror, and seems to recognize Obi-Wan. He says nothing about dropping them off near the woods and simply drives.

"There are a few places I like," he says as the car carries them toward the woods. "All quite private, though sometimes there are people hiking or going for picnics. They tend to respect my space if I'm meditating, however, so hopefully no one will bother us too much today."

"Only slightly," Klaus replies in just as serious a tone, though he smirks a bit as he looks over to meet Obi-Wan's gaze. He wants to take this very seriously, but he knows himself. There's always a chance that he's going to try and stick his hand down Obi-Wan's pants. The odds of that are never zero.

When Obi orders a car, Klaus is a little surprised but he doesn't argue. It does show that Obi-Wan is eager to get started, and Klaus has to wonder how long he's been patiently waiting for Klaus to ask him for this very thing. He never pressured Klaus, never pushed the issue once, but simply waited for Klaus to come around. The realization makes Klaus let out a dreamy sigh, and he'd be surprised if there weren't cartoon hearts in his eyes as he got into the car next to Obi-Wan.

During the ride, Klaus rests his hand on Obi-Wan's thigh, not to be cheeky or possessive but simply because he'd like to always be touching Obi-Wan if he can. He listens as Obi-Wan speaks and then turns to look at him, glancing briefly towards the driver before responding. He's so walled up that he finds that he doesn't even really want to talk about the process of it in front of anyone else. Christ, he has issues.

"It seems like such a private thing. You don't feel-- I don't know, vulnerable being in that state where someone could just come upon you?" Klaus has seen Obi-Wan deep in meditation many times, and there are times when Klaus walks right by him and he doesn't seem to notice. But then Klaus lets out a brittle sort of laugh and shakes his head, turning to look out the window. "But I guess I put myself in a vulnerable state around strangers all the time. Just in a different way."

"Don't," he says softly, reaching for Klaus's chin, tucking two fingers under his jaw and turning his face back from the window. "Don't punish yourself for the past."

That's all he says on the matter, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to Klaus's mouth, as if punctuating the statement and ending the conversation with it. Such things are easier said than done, he is well aware of that, but that is why they're about to begin Klaus's journey with meditation. The work will get done with time and Obi-Wan sees no point in dwelling further on things that can no longer be changed. The present is the only guarantee they have.

"You're right, though," he continues. "And I wouldn't recommend solitary public meditation for those who don't have a connection to the Force or something similar. I can sense people when they're near, especially in a deep meditative state, because the Force changes. When you're practicing on your own, it would be safer to do so in the apartment or in your house or an area meant for such things. I've been told there are yoga studios that have meditation rooms and I would think that to be safe space as well."

Klaus rolls his eyes as Obi-Wan guides his chin back over towards him, but it's mostly at himself. His expression softens and he leans in for the kiss, nodding a bit and giving Obi-Wan's knee a grateful squeeze. It's so easy for Klaus to get down on himself, despite the aloof, carefree persona he projects out to nearly everyone he meets. He's grateful that Obi-Wan sees through it and encourages him. He's grateful for so many things when it comes to Obi-Wan.

"So, if I want to meditate in the forest, I need my hot Jedi chaperone with me. Got it," he says with a smile. "And I would definitely be down for some yoga."

The car comes to a stop in a semi-circle of asphalt that appears to be a parking lot for hiking trails, and Klaus shakes his head in fond amusement as he slides out of the car and looks around. It's a beautiful day and he's wearing his boots, so a little walk through the woods won't be so bad. Not with this particular company, anyway.

"Lead the way, sensei," Klaus says, smiling as he turns toward Obi-Wan. He's still nervous about this whole thing, but he knows that he's in good hands. The best he's ever been in, really.

"It isn't far," Obi-Wan promises with a smile over at Klaus, then finds the trail he likes and leads the way. The hike is easy enough, they're not climbing any rocks or walking through any dense patches of trees. At one point, Obi-Wan does leave the path, but the ground cover is easy to walk on and before too long they come through a bit of trees and find themselves in a quiet clearing with a large rock at one end. The sun comes through the trees, the branches overhead quite thin, and not far from here is a creek running through.

"Here," he says. "I quite like this place. It's quiet and people usually don't come by here."

Unless they're also looking for the clearing, but that's really only happened once or twice.

"How are you feeling?" he asks. "Ready for all this? I promise we'll take it as slow as you need and if at any point you need to stop or you have questions, I don't want you to feel like you can't say anything. Whatever comes into your mind, I'm more than happy to hear it."

The walk is less of a hike than Klaus imagined, even after leaving the trail worn into the ground, and Klaus follows along dutifully, taking care not to trip over anything. When they arrive at the clearing, Klaus looks around with a vaguely surprised expression, because he doesn't know what he was expecting, but it wasn't this.

"This place is beautiful," he says sincerely, planting his hands on his hips and letting the bag with his journals dangle from one wrist as he looks around. It's a little like something out of a fairytale, complete with dappled sunlight and a babbling brook. "I half expect woodland creatures to come out and start braiding my hair."

The fresh air is nice, and the sun isn't too bright, which his head appreciates. He hasn't had anything to drink since the day before, and there was a time where he would be out of his mind with how badly he wanted to scratch that itch. Now, he has a mild headache and yeah, he'd like a drink, but he doesn't feel like he'll die if he doesn't get one. That's progress.

"I'm feeling very sober," he says honestly, because he knows Obi-Wan will know what he really means by that. Without the haze of drugs or alcohol, everything is so much harder to handle. But that's why he's here now, because he doesn't want that haze to be the only thing that gets him by anymore.

"I'll tell you what I need," Klaus assures him, smiling softly over at him. Obi-Wan is being so supportive, so calm and caring, and sometimes Klaus doesn't know what to do with that kind of attention, but he's grateful for it all the same.

After handing Obi-Wan the bag from the bookstore, Klaus bends over to untie his boots and step out of them, stuffing his socks inside so he can wiggle his bare toes in the grass. After taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, he looks over at Obi-Wan with a smile that slightly betrays the nerves that he's trying to hide. "If I get the hang of this, do I finally get to play with your lightsaber? That'd be good incentive, I think." And then, because he can't help but to make jokes when he's nervous, he continues. "That and blowjobs."

The question makes Obi-Wan laugh and he closes his eyes briefly, wonderfully amused, as Klaus can always do for him. He knows the jokes come from a place of anxiety, but that doesn't mean they're not still funny in their own right and as Obi-Wan sinks into a seated position and sets Klaus's bag aside, he smiles up at him.

"I'll certainly think about it," he teases, though if Klaus really wants to learn, Obi-Wan would be pleased to help him.

"Come and sit with me," he says. "Let's face one another and get comfortable first before we do anything else." This part, getting comfortable, he thinks it will be easier with Klaus than it is with most others. While Obi-Wan generally has little problem finding peace, he and Klaus know one another in a way he knows no other person in Darrow, and to reach out and touch him will be something done without hesitation if it becomes necessary.

Obi-Wan has high hopes for this, not only because of how close they are, but because Klaus wants it. It's clear he wants it. For Obi-Wan, that desire to help himself is by far the most important thing.

"About the lightsaber or the blowjobs?" Klaus asks with a bit of a smirk on his face. "Because you've never been very withholding with the latter."

Obi-Wan beckons him over and Klaus bites his lip before padding through the grass and stepping in front of him, hesitating for only a moment before gracefully sinking down and settling into a cross-legged position. He's close enough to Obi-Wan that their knees are almost touching, and that proximity makes him feel a little better, a little safer. If he gets too lost in his own head, Obi-Wan will be there to pull him out of it.

"Okay, I'm comfortable," Klaus tells him after he's tucked a few loose strands of hair behind his ears and tugged at a few curls to loosen his bun a bit. "Physically, at least. What's next?"

"A mantra, perhaps," he says, his voice having dropped slightly, becoming slow and smooth as he speaks. "You can select anything at all you like, anything that works for you. Here, I've heard people using since such as I am that I am or The world is quiet here. When we learn as younglings, we begin with the Jedi Code."

Obi-Wan breathes deep, then exhales, hoping Klaus with unconsciously match the rhythm of his breathing.

"Emotion, yet peace," he says, reciting the Code as he had learned it. "Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force." Another long breath in, another long breath out. "I've always preferred passion, yet serenity. It feels calming to my mind, the idea that someone can be full of excitement and curiosity for the world and yet can still find serenity when it is needed."

"A mantra," Klaus repeats, though he wrinkles his nose at the first two. He almost smiles as he thinks back on his time with his cult, when he would feed them song lyrics like they were wise musings. He does regret how he went about the whole thing, but he isn't sure that he would have survived the 60s without those people. And maybe it's bullshit, but he'd like to think that he helped some of them, too. Even if it all went bad there at the end.

Obi-Wan keeps speaking and Klaus likes this better, tilting his head a little as he watches him recite the Jedi Code. Klaus likes the sound of it, because it reflects the balance that exists everywhere. Where there is pain, there is also happiness. Sometimes one may greatly overshadow the other, but they're both always there.

"Passion, yet serenity," Klaus repeats, feeling the words on his tongue as he meets Obi-Wan's gaze and takes a deep breath, trying to match his breathing to Obi-Wan's as he rests his hands on his knees. "I do like that one." Another breath. "Passion, yet serenity."

Obi-Wan smiles briefly and nods, then says, "Close your eyes. Breath deep and slow, following my breath if you like. When your mind wanders, which is will, gently bring it back. Don't chastise yourself, don't get frustrated, because all of it is natural. Simply bring your mind back to the mantra."

With that said, he closes his eyes, his hands on his knees, and slips into a slow, steady breath. At this moment, Obi-Wan is planning on keeping himself more aware, more present than he usually would, since he's meant to be guiding Klaus more than just meditating himself. Even so, it's relaxing to be here. The sun is warm, but not too hot, and he can hear the soft sound of the running water nearby.

He breathes deeply, focused on this moment, on everything he can feel and hear, everything around him that makes up the world and this time and space in it.

"Okay," Klaus breathes out, taking one more long look at Obi-Wan's handsome face, his golden-tipped lashes sweeping against his lightly freckled cheeks, and nods to himself before letting his own eyes fall shut. Whatever happens, he's safe here with Obi-Wan.

It won't be like before, with the mausoleum. If it becomes too much, he won't have to continue. Obi-Wan Kenobi is about as far away from Reginald Hargreeves as one could possibly get, in terms of kindness and understanding. Klaus will be fine.

He takes a deep breath and repeats the mantra in his head, doing his best to empty it of everything else. He tries to push away the need for a drink, his fear, everything. It works, for a few moments. Everything is dark and quiet, but then he hears a whisper of his name in an awful, slithering tone.

You think you can hide from us? Klaus's breath hitches and his fingertips dig into his knees. Klaus, we'll always find you.

"Fuck." Klaus's eyes snap open and he reaches up to press the heels of his eyes up under his brow bone, chest heaving as he lets out a ragged breath. "They're here."

Obi-Wan's eyes open as well and he reaches up to gently take Klaus's hands in his own, pulling them away from his eyes. "It's alright," he says softly. "We had to expect they would come. Just keep breathing with me. Slowly in, slowly out."

It's different here with Klaus than it is teaching younglings. Meditation is difficult enough to learn, especially when stillness doesn't come naturally to most people, but it's made more difficult still by the inclusion of these spirits that want to disrupt what Klaus is trying to achieve.

"They're just another form of energy," he says in the same soothing tone of voice. He places one of Klaus's hands on his chest so he can feel his ribs expanding and contracting with each breath. "And I'm here with you. They're not going to hurt you, but you need to be able to sit with them, even when they're being troublesome. Keep breathing with me."

A part of Klaus wants to stop, but that's the part of him that is always so ready to give up on something as soon as it gets a little hard. If he were to demand to put a stop to this, Obi-Wan would respect that, but Klaus worries that he might be a little disappointed, even though he claims that he won't. But it isn't just the fear of letting Obi-Wan down that makes Klaus wants to keep going. He wants to do it for himself.

Klaus grits his teeth and looks at his hand on Obi-Wan's chest, feeling each deep inhale and exhale and making himself match it. Slow in, slow out, over and over again.

Obi-Wan is still watching him, looking at him encouragingly, but Klaus's gaze drifts up over his shoulder to the woman standing behind him. She belongs to the voice he heard in his head, and he winces slightly at the bullet wound in her chest, spilling blood out into her neon pink micro dress. She looks like a junkie, bottomed out in a way even he had only reached a few times in his life.

"You think you get to just get better?" She asks, sneering at him with rotted teeth and sunken eyes, and Klaus swallows hard before closing his eyes again. "Look at me, Klaus!"

"You can't hurt me," he says quietly, shakily, because perhaps that's the mantra he needs right now. "You can't hurt me."

"Good," Obi-Wan says in that same soft tone. That Klaus has perhaps picked a different mantra, one that will work for this scenario, it makes Obi-Wan proud. It's clear he's trying, that he's dedicated himself to this, that he wants it to work.

Klaus looks at something behind him, then closes his eyes again. Obi-Wan breathes with him, inhaling and exhaling, keeping Klaus's hand pressed to his chest. "They can't hurt you. Whoever is here, let them go. Let them drift away. They're nothing more than energy, which is everywhere, Klaus. It surrounds us, this energy, and they're part of it, but they don't need to be here."

He breathes slowly, hand pressed to Klaus's.

"They can't hurt you," he says softly.

It's just one word, good, but Klaus clings to it. Never before has he received any sort of praise when trying to get a handle on his powers. Nothing he did was ever enough, he was always too weak, too scared, too much of a disappointment. He's so used to being berated that one single bit of positive reinforcement buoys him enough to take another deep breath.

"You can't hurt me," Klaus says again, wincing and pressing his fingertips into Obi-Wan's chest as the ghost starts to scream. It's a sharp, piercing sound that he can feel rattling around in his rib cage and he grits his teeth, reaching up to put his other hand over his ear as he begins to shake. "You can't hurt me."

"Klaus!" She screams it so loud that it seems to shake the trees, and Klaus's fingertips start to glow as he takes a deep breath and imagines himself pushing her away. "You can't do this!"

"You can't hurt me," he grits out, letting out a cry of his own as he shoves his power outward as best he can, feeling it snap outward like a dam exploding. Once it's done, Klaus's chest is heaving and he opens his eyes slowly, panting softly as he blinks against the sunlight to find themselves alone in the clearing once more. He sits there, stunned, fingertips still glowing slightly where they're pressed to Obi-Wan's chest.

Whoever is here with them must be quite strong indeed. Obi-Wan can sense their presence, the anger in it, the hurt, so much pain whirling around in this tumultuous sense of disconnect. They may only be energy, but energy counts for so much and Obi-Wan feels the dark side of the Force with the presence here, all the strong emotions that might lead someone to do something terrible.

He doesn't have the same power Klaus does. He can't communicate with whoever is here, but he closes his eyes regardless. Searching for the presence in the Force, he sends calm in its direction, he sends love and acceptance and peace, and it may have no difference at all in the situation, but it's everything he can do.

"Breathe," he encourages, eyes still closed. Something has changed, the presence is gone, and he can hear Klaus's shaking breath. "Slowly, Klaus. In and out. Centre yourself again."

A part of Klaus wants to stop, because he's trembling and tired and this is all so much, but instead he listens to Obi-Wan and takes a deep breath, letting it out shaky and slow and doing it again. He feels proud himself, which is rare. He thinks Obi-Wan might proud of him too, and that's enough for him to keep going.

"Serenity," he breathes out, keeping his eyes closed as he tries to clear his mind. It's a hard thing to do, and he moves his hand from Obi-Wan's chest to rest it over Obi's hand on his knee instead, wanting to keep that physical connection for now. He focuses on Obi-Wan's breathing and makes sure that his own matches, and then focuses on the trickling of the nearby stream, concentrating on it until it's all that he can hear.

And then it's quiet in his head in a way that's wholly unfamiliar to him, unreasonably quiet, and it reminds him of those last few seconds before he falls asleep. Instead of calming him, he ends up bracing himself, going tense as he waits for something else to intrude. Now he's thinking about it, he can hear the whir of helicopter blades and a far off scream, so he opens his eyes with a frustrated huff, tipping his head back to look up at the trees.

"How do I learn to trust the quiet?" Klaus says after a moment, swallowing hard and trying not to berate himself. "I've spent my whole life thinking that silence was dangerous. I don't know how to stop that and relax into it. I'm just waiting for something else to come."

"You practice," Obi-Wan says as he also opens his eyes. "You believe the silence to be dangerous because that's what practice and experience has taught you. Of course it's difficult to trust that it would be anything else. The only way to unlearn something of that nature, the trauma associated with it, is to practice the rest."

He smiles gently. "It won't come overnight. But you did exceptionally well already. I would only encourage you not to grow frustrated with yourself. Becoming distracted by our thoughts, by external distractions, by sounds or sensations, it's all human nature. You're not doing anything wrong with this happens."

Lifting his hand, Obi-Wan touches his temple. "We can't turn this off. We can only teach it with time, practice, and with empathy, to trust itself."

Klaus hangs on Obi-Wan's every word, and he finds himself unexpectedly tearing up as he wonders where he might be if he been given even a fraction of this encouragement and support when he was a child. Maybe he wouldn't have wasted so much of his life. Maybe he wouldn't have almost killed himself over and over just trying to quiet his own mind.

A tear rolls down his cheek and he reaches up to quickly wipe it away, blowing out a breath as he rolls his eyes upward and tips his head back to look up at the sky. Sniffling a bit, he wipes his nose and then looks at Obi-Wan again, nodding a bit and giving him a watery smile.

"Thank you, Obi," he says quietly, taking another deep breath. "For helping me."

"Of course, my darling," Obi-Wan answers, reaching with both hands to cup either side of Klaus's face. He leans in to kiss him, lingering for a long moment, chaste but sincere. He can taste the salt of Klaus's tears, but makes no effort to wipe them away. The emotion is true and real and Klaus needs to sit with them rather than try and chase them away, this is as much a part of meditation as all the rest.

"Now," he says when he pulls back. "How do you feel about writing down what you've experienced? We can sit here for as long as you like, but I think it might be good to record some of what you're feeling now. The good and the bad. There needn't be any structure to it, you can simply write whatever you feel, whatever comes out of you."

Obi-Wan has nothing to write in, but he can meditate more, to give Klaus the space and the privacy for this.

Edited 2021-04-27 19:54 (UTC)

For so long, Klaus would roll his eyes at couples calling each other pet names, but that was before he knew what it was like to be called darling by Obi-Wan Kenobi. Hearing it makes him shiver and feel warm all over at the same time, and he practically melts into the kiss, letting Obi-Wan's calm, steady affection wash over him.

When Obi-Wan pulls away, Klaus is relieved that he doesn't suggest that they continue. He feels a little drained after that burst of power, and he wants to take a break. He does have a lot of thoughts, and he nods before leaning forward to give Obi-Wan another kiss.

"Yeah, I can do that." Klaus pulls himself to his feet and stretches before picking his bag, tousling Obi-Wan's hair with his other hand as he passes behind him. He finds a soft spot in the grass nearby and stretches out on his belly, smiling softly over at Obi-Wan before opening the journal and reaching for a purple pen, tugging the cap off with his teeth and twirling the pen around so he can touch it to the paper.

He goes from wondering what he's even going to write to scribbling across the page, just scrawling out whatever comes to mind, every question and fear, and even about the pride he feels buried underneath it all.

Klaus is so willing to try and Obi-Wan's smile blooms as Klaus settles himself in the grass. For a moment he just watches, seeing the way Klaus falls into the writing, and something warm grows inside Obi-Wan for a moment before he closes his eyes and focuses on his breathing.

It's wonderfully peaceful. Whatever presence had been there earlier is long gone, due to what Klaus had done. It doesn't take much for Obi-Wan to slip into a relatively deep meditative state. He reflects on some things when his mind goes calm, thinking of Anakin, of how they're coming back from where they've been.

Mostly, though, he allows himself to think of nothing at all. To just breathe. To listen to the scratch of Klaus's pen on paper and to use that sound as his own personal mantra for the moment.

Klaus isn't sure how much time passes as he scrawls out his thoughts, but a few glances over at Obi-Wan shows that he's meditating pretty deeply, so Klaus doesn't feel like they're in a rush. Eventually he stops, mostly because his hand is cramping up, and he sits up as he looks at the journal with a bit of wonder.

When Obi-Wan suggested the exercise, Klaus had no idea what he was going to write. He thought that maybe he'd have to really think about it, but once he touched the pen to paper it just started flowing out of him. There is probably very little coherency to any of it, but that's okay. The point was to get it all out, not to write the next great novel.

After capping his pen and shaking out his hand, he moves over to Obi-Wan on his knees, settling in behind him and slowly wrapping his arms around him from behind. He moves slowly as not to startle him, even if he's sure that Obi-Wan is well aware of his presence. He isn't even really trying to draw Obi-Wan out of it if he isn't ready. He just wants to hold onto him, arms crossed over his belly as he hooks his chin over Obi-Wan's shoulder, closing his eyes as he matches his breathing to Obi-Wan's.

It's an incredibly peaceful moment, even with as quiet as it is. He feels more settled than he has in a long time and he's happy to sit here for as long as Obi-Wan would like, breathing in and out in the dappled sunlight.

When Obi-Wan feels Klaus's arms go around him, he doesn't immediately open his eyes. Instead, wanting to experiment just a little, he remains as he is, seated, breathing deeply and slowly, his mind clear but for the feel of Klaus pressed against his back, his chin over his shoulder. It takes mere moments before Klaus feels as if he's a part of Obi-Wan in this state, both peaceful, their presences within the Force close, mingling with each other, with the energy of all the living things around them, with the trees and the water and the earth beneath their bodies.

They stay this way for several minutes and when Obi-Wan finally opens his eyes and then lifts his arms to squeeze Klaus's against his belly, he asks, "While you had your arms around me, what were you thinking?"

He suspects the answer is nothing in particular. Klaus had felt at peace. Settled. In a funny way, Obi-Wan thinks he may have achieved a restful meditative state without even meaning to.

When Obi-Wan shifts his body and starts to speak, Klaus's eyes flutter open and he lifts his head, brow furrowing slightly at the question as he moves to sit at Obi-Wan's side instead of behind him, keeping one hand on his back as he thinks about it.

"Huh. Nothing at all, really," he answers, and then looks over at Obi-Wan's face. Realization hits and he gasps, reaching up to put one hand on his cheek before shoving playfully at Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Oh my God! You tricked me with cuddles!"

Klaus laughs happily, feeling almost rested and a little less heavy after writing in his journal and sitting here quietly with Obi-Wan. He lets out another soft laugh, this one astonished and full of wonder, and then he's suddenly feeling so much positive emotion that he simply has to tackle Obi-Wan down into the grass and tickle his sides to let it all out.

"I did no such thing," Obi-Wan protests, though he's laughing, unable to help himself. He certainly hadn't meant to trick Klaus, it's just that he thinks Klaus is perhaps better as meditating than he believes himself to be and in the moment, wrapped around one another, they had both been able to achieve a level of peace.

"I'm being attacked!" he says, glad no one is likely close enough to hear him. Klaus knocks him into the grass and Obi-Wan goes willingly, although he tries to wriggle away from the fingers that want to tickle his sides. He grabs for Klaus's wrists, though doesn't make an attempt to hold them too tightly, knowing this is all for fun, knowing this act of wrestling is likely going to lead somewhere else.

Probably not here. They're alone for now, but this is hardly an undiscovered path. Obi-Wan has come across people picnicking here before and he doesn't want to be anyone's unpleasant surprise today.

They wrestle in the grass and it's all playful, because they would never hurt each other and if Obi-Wan wanted to, he could have tossed Klaus halfway across the forest by now. He laughs as Obi-Wan grabs at his wrists and then twists enough to yank them free and grab Obi-Wan's hands instead, lifting them up over Obi's head to pin them to the grass.

"You're a very good teacher," Klaus tells him, smiling down at him before leaning in to give him a soft kiss. He doesn't try to take it any further, both because there's a good chance that they would be seen and because the moment is perfect just as it is, the two of them rolling around in the grass like puppies.

It's probably that thought that makes him pull away from the kiss and lick the side of his face, laughing as he drags his tongue from Obi-Wan's cheek up to his forehead.

"Kriff!" Obi-Wan blurts out, though it's not the first time Klaus has licked his face. He laughs and leans in to rub his face against Klaus's shirt, wiping the saliva from his cheek, though mostly for show.

He flops back into the grass, looking up at the trees, the sky, then reaches over and rests his hand on Klaus's chest, simply holding it there for a moment. Under his palm, he can feel the beating of Klaus's heart and the atmosphere of the moment is wonderful, warm and light. They've done something really good here this afternoon. He's proud of Klaus for trying, for making such an effort, for achieving something Obi-Wan knows he had been frightened of.

Turning onto his side, he presses a kiss to Klaus's cheek.

"You did amazing today," he says, leaning his chin on his hand. "You really committed and gave it a real try. I think you surprised yourself, didn't you?"

Klaus lets out a bright laugh at the delightful curse and then flips onto his back once Obi-Wan is done using his shirt as a napkin. He settles into the grass and lets out a soft, happy sigh as Obi-Wan's hand settles on his chest. He feels lighter than air right now, like he might float up into the sky and it's only Obi-Wan's hand that's holding him to the earth. The kiss to his cheek only adds to it, and he thinks about how scared he was when he woke up this morning, how frustrated and exhausted.

Before Darrow, before Obi-Wan, he would have drugged himself until he couldn't think or buried himself in the nearest stranger, or perhaps both. But now he's here with his family, with this man he has fallen for so completely, and they all make him want to be better. It's not just for them, though. He wants to be better for himself.

He lifts his head to watch Obi-Wan as he speaks, reaching up to sweep Obi-Wan's hair back from his forehead with a fond smile. Sometimes Obi-Wan makes him feel like he could do anything. "You know, I think I did. I feel-- I feel good. Hopeful."