terriblymisguided | (no subject)

If pressed, Klaus couldn't really say why he has been so resistant to learning true meditation. He does have his reasons, the biggest being that he does not want to be alone with his thoughts in such a way, but that's not a good enough reason. The spirits still haunt him at night, no matter what he does.

Mostly, he's just scared. Both of what will happen in his own head, and of failing miserably at the whole thing.

The more time he spends with Obi-Wan, the more intrigued he becomes with the idea. It obviously helps Obi-Wan, and that only becomes more clear after everything with Anakin regaining his memories. It's obviously a traumatic thing for Obi-Wan, and Klaus was worried for him the entire time he was out meditating in the woods. At first, Klaus had thought the idea was kind of crazy, but he didn't protest. Of course he didn't, because Obi-Wan knows himself.

When Obi-Wan came back, he seemed better. A lot better, actually. And then he had his body taken from him and replaced with an entirely new one, and he seemed okay with that, too. Klaus knows that it isn't that things don't bother Obi-Wan. It's that he knows how to handle these awful things when they come. He meditates on them, and always seems at peace afterward. Klaus wants to know if he might be able to achieve something similar, if he were go ahead and actually face his fears and try.

He thinks on it, but the decision is made for him after he wakes up screaming from another nightmare, struggling against ghostly hands around his throat. Vanya comes in and helps him calm down, and Klaus holds onto her so that he doesn't head straight for the stash of pills in his underwear drawer. He doesn't want to keep numbing himself forever, he realizes. He wants to learn how to handle it.

After his sister makes him have some breakfast, he kisses her head and leaves the house to head towards Obi-Wan's place, exhausted and trembling, but sure of himself. He wants to try. He has to try.

When he makes it to Obi-Wan's apartment, he knocks a few times before letting himself in with his key, unsurprised to find Obi-Wan sitting on his meditation cushions. It's that time of day, after all. He stays quiet, not wanting to interrupt, and goes to make himself some coffee. He'll need it for this conversation, and for whatever comes after.

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Klaus is so willing to try and Obi-Wan's smile blooms as Klaus settles himself in the grass. For a moment he just watches, seeing the way Klaus falls into the writing, and something warm grows inside Obi-Wan for a moment before he closes his eyes and focuses on his breathing.

It's wonderfully peaceful. Whatever presence had been there earlier is long gone, due to what Klaus had done. It doesn't take much for Obi-Wan to slip into a relatively deep meditative state. He reflects on some things when his mind goes calm, thinking of Anakin, of how they're coming back from where they've been.

Mostly, though, he allows himself to think of nothing at all. To just breathe. To listen to the scratch of Klaus's pen on paper and to use that sound as his own personal mantra for the moment.

Klaus isn't sure how much time passes as he scrawls out his thoughts, but a few glances over at Obi-Wan shows that he's meditating pretty deeply, so Klaus doesn't feel like they're in a rush. Eventually he stops, mostly because his hand is cramping up, and he sits up as he looks at the journal with a bit of wonder.

When Obi-Wan suggested the exercise, Klaus had no idea what he was going to write. He thought that maybe he'd have to really think about it, but once he touched the pen to paper it just started flowing out of him. There is probably very little coherency to any of it, but that's okay. The point was to get it all out, not to write the next great novel.

After capping his pen and shaking out his hand, he moves over to Obi-Wan on his knees, settling in behind him and slowly wrapping his arms around him from behind. He moves slowly as not to startle him, even if he's sure that Obi-Wan is well aware of his presence. He isn't even really trying to draw Obi-Wan out of it if he isn't ready. He just wants to hold onto him, arms crossed over his belly as he hooks his chin over Obi-Wan's shoulder, closing his eyes as he matches his breathing to Obi-Wan's.

It's an incredibly peaceful moment, even with as quiet as it is. He feels more settled than he has in a long time and he's happy to sit here for as long as Obi-Wan would like, breathing in and out in the dappled sunlight.

When Obi-Wan feels Klaus's arms go around him, he doesn't immediately open his eyes. Instead, wanting to experiment just a little, he remains as he is, seated, breathing deeply and slowly, his mind clear but for the feel of Klaus pressed against his back, his chin over his shoulder. It takes mere moments before Klaus feels as if he's a part of Obi-Wan in this state, both peaceful, their presences within the Force close, mingling with each other, with the energy of all the living things around them, with the trees and the water and the earth beneath their bodies.

They stay this way for several minutes and when Obi-Wan finally opens his eyes and then lifts his arms to squeeze Klaus's against his belly, he asks, "While you had your arms around me, what were you thinking?"

He suspects the answer is nothing in particular. Klaus had felt at peace. Settled. In a funny way, Obi-Wan thinks he may have achieved a restful meditative state without even meaning to.

When Obi-Wan shifts his body and starts to speak, Klaus's eyes flutter open and he lifts his head, brow furrowing slightly at the question as he moves to sit at Obi-Wan's side instead of behind him, keeping one hand on his back as he thinks about it.

"Huh. Nothing at all, really," he answers, and then looks over at Obi-Wan's face. Realization hits and he gasps, reaching up to put one hand on his cheek before shoving playfully at Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Oh my God! You tricked me with cuddles!"

Klaus laughs happily, feeling almost rested and a little less heavy after writing in his journal and sitting here quietly with Obi-Wan. He lets out another soft laugh, this one astonished and full of wonder, and then he's suddenly feeling so much positive emotion that he simply has to tackle Obi-Wan down into the grass and tickle his sides to let it all out.

"I did no such thing," Obi-Wan protests, though he's laughing, unable to help himself. He certainly hadn't meant to trick Klaus, it's just that he thinks Klaus is perhaps better as meditating than he believes himself to be and in the moment, wrapped around one another, they had both been able to achieve a level of peace.

"I'm being attacked!" he says, glad no one is likely close enough to hear him. Klaus knocks him into the grass and Obi-Wan goes willingly, although he tries to wriggle away from the fingers that want to tickle his sides. He grabs for Klaus's wrists, though doesn't make an attempt to hold them too tightly, knowing this is all for fun, knowing this act of wrestling is likely going to lead somewhere else.

Probably not here. They're alone for now, but this is hardly an undiscovered path. Obi-Wan has come across people picnicking here before and he doesn't want to be anyone's unpleasant surprise today.

They wrestle in the grass and it's all playful, because they would never hurt each other and if Obi-Wan wanted to, he could have tossed Klaus halfway across the forest by now. He laughs as Obi-Wan grabs at his wrists and then twists enough to yank them free and grab Obi-Wan's hands instead, lifting them up over Obi's head to pin them to the grass.

"You're a very good teacher," Klaus tells him, smiling down at him before leaning in to give him a soft kiss. He doesn't try to take it any further, both because there's a good chance that they would be seen and because the moment is perfect just as it is, the two of them rolling around in the grass like puppies.

It's probably that thought that makes him pull away from the kiss and lick the side of his face, laughing as he drags his tongue from Obi-Wan's cheek up to his forehead.

"Kriff!" Obi-Wan blurts out, though it's not the first time Klaus has licked his face. He laughs and leans in to rub his face against Klaus's shirt, wiping the saliva from his cheek, though mostly for show.

He flops back into the grass, looking up at the trees, the sky, then reaches over and rests his hand on Klaus's chest, simply holding it there for a moment. Under his palm, he can feel the beating of Klaus's heart and the atmosphere of the moment is wonderful, warm and light. They've done something really good here this afternoon. He's proud of Klaus for trying, for making such an effort, for achieving something Obi-Wan knows he had been frightened of.

Turning onto his side, he presses a kiss to Klaus's cheek.

"You did amazing today," he says, leaning his chin on his hand. "You really committed and gave it a real try. I think you surprised yourself, didn't you?"

Klaus lets out a bright laugh at the delightful curse and then flips onto his back once Obi-Wan is done using his shirt as a napkin. He settles into the grass and lets out a soft, happy sigh as Obi-Wan's hand settles on his chest. He feels lighter than air right now, like he might float up into the sky and it's only Obi-Wan's hand that's holding him to the earth. The kiss to his cheek only adds to it, and he thinks about how scared he was when he woke up this morning, how frustrated and exhausted.

Before Darrow, before Obi-Wan, he would have drugged himself until he couldn't think or buried himself in the nearest stranger, or perhaps both. But now he's here with his family, with this man he has fallen for so completely, and they all make him want to be better. It's not just for them, though. He wants to be better for himself.

He lifts his head to watch Obi-Wan as he speaks, reaching up to sweep Obi-Wan's hair back from his forehead with a fond smile. Sometimes Obi-Wan makes him feel like he could do anything. "You know, I think I did. I feel-- I feel good. Hopeful."