terriblymisguided (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
terriblymisguided) wrote2021-09-24 12:39 am
terriblymisguided) wrote2021-09-24 12:39 am
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Klaus is, shocker, not handling this well.
This is the third time that he's lost his brother, and the third time's a charm. Ben isn't coming back. Klaus has tried to conjure him, even knowing that he probably couldn't. He tried and tried until he felt drained enough to fall asleep, and then he woke up and tried again. But no, there is no conjuring Ben. He isn't on the other side of some veil. He hasn't moved on to some higher place. He's just gone, and it makes no sense. Why does he have to be gone?
He spirals a bit, takes pills for the first time in weeks. Avoids darkened alleys or anywhere that he could find something stronger, because he doesn't trust himself. He drinks, and he smokes, and he spirals.
Right now, he's up on the roof of the house, standing on top of a stack of boxed tile that was delivered. It's supposed to be part of his roof remodel, the place he wanted to make to bring them all closer. Now they're all just mourning in their own ways, in different places.
There's a bottle of whiskey in his hand, and he takes a drink as he steps from the boxes onto the edge of the roof, wobbling a bit before looking down at cement three stories below. He'd be lying if he said he never thought about offing himself. It's never something that he actively tried, but he's thought about it at different points of his life. There are times when he thought it would just be easier, like everything would finally be quiet. It'd all just stop.
Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately, depending on who's asking), he's far too narcissistic to actually do it. And what if he did and then he was just there on the other side, becoming one of the screaming ghosts instead of just being forced to listen to them? That'd be even worse.
As he stands there on the ledge, balancing on one bare foot to let the other hover over the open air, he wonders if maybe he was just killing himself slowly all along, drinking and doing drugs and putting himself at risk, chasing adrenaline and danger. Is there such a thing as being passively suicidal?
Klaus wobbles a bit and puts both feet back on the ledge, steadying himself and laughing a bit as he looks out at the street again. He sees Obi-Wan there, approaching from across the way, and it startles enough that he drops the whiskey bottle in his hand, sending it clattering to the ledge.
"Shit," he says, leaning over to watch as it sails down to the pavement. "Watch out!"
This is the third time that he's lost his brother, and the third time's a charm. Ben isn't coming back. Klaus has tried to conjure him, even knowing that he probably couldn't. He tried and tried until he felt drained enough to fall asleep, and then he woke up and tried again. But no, there is no conjuring Ben. He isn't on the other side of some veil. He hasn't moved on to some higher place. He's just gone, and it makes no sense. Why does he have to be gone?
He spirals a bit, takes pills for the first time in weeks. Avoids darkened alleys or anywhere that he could find something stronger, because he doesn't trust himself. He drinks, and he smokes, and he spirals.
Right now, he's up on the roof of the house, standing on top of a stack of boxed tile that was delivered. It's supposed to be part of his roof remodel, the place he wanted to make to bring them all closer. Now they're all just mourning in their own ways, in different places.
There's a bottle of whiskey in his hand, and he takes a drink as he steps from the boxes onto the edge of the roof, wobbling a bit before looking down at cement three stories below. He'd be lying if he said he never thought about offing himself. It's never something that he actively tried, but he's thought about it at different points of his life. There are times when he thought it would just be easier, like everything would finally be quiet. It'd all just stop.
Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately, depending on who's asking), he's far too narcissistic to actually do it. And what if he did and then he was just there on the other side, becoming one of the screaming ghosts instead of just being forced to listen to them? That'd be even worse.
As he stands there on the ledge, balancing on one bare foot to let the other hover over the open air, he wonders if maybe he was just killing himself slowly all along, drinking and doing drugs and putting himself at risk, chasing adrenaline and danger. Is there such a thing as being passively suicidal?
Klaus wobbles a bit and puts both feet back on the ledge, steadying himself and laughing a bit as he looks out at the street again. He sees Obi-Wan there, approaching from across the way, and it startles enough that he drops the whiskey bottle in his hand, sending it clattering to the ledge.
"Shit," he says, leaning over to watch as it sails down to the pavement. "Watch out!"